She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
look no pants
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize