My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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