Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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