also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
