No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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