You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
