Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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