how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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