remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
