my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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