we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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