remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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