So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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