If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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