Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
