I feel great
I just peed on a car
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize