it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I need a beard to bite.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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