I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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