Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
