I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
someone get that fucking seahorse.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize