The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
