So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
