why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
