Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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