y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
