its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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