yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
