She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
