Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
