If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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