I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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