I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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