Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
