If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
