you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
there is glitter all over my balls
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