I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
