Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize