Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
