No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
These tits shall not be calmed
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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