Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
