Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
you inspire me to be a worse person
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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