my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
