i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
