I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
