It was confusing and full of hummus
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
