dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
