Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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