Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
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