Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
