why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
