After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Boobs speak an international language.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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