All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
