you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
