come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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