I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize