**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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