He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
