2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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