I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
