Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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