saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
