discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize