So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
