I think i peed on brittanys purse
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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