if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
