Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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