I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
